an escape

Nelson Mandela, Higher Than Hope (authorized biography) A good head and good heart are always a formidable combination. But when you add to that a literate tongue or pen, then you have something very special.

I am walking through the door living with my dreams. I am absolutely not a fan of "forever thing" but I have asked myself this: "What if saying goodbye can only mean being apart from each other forever?" Does that make my own self surrendering to forever whenever given the power to speak the g word inside my mind?

Forever's impact over me, so as pain causing extreme distress again.

It wasn't my plan to go home to Cavite yesterday. The drive takes 2-3 hours before I can finally reach my hometown. Since I can't say no to Renz (the birthday boy), I did it for him.

The very moment I found myself reaching Cavite, I realized that I am somewhere in the middle, between the final line of goodbye and the door to a handful source of tranquility. As I started to be away from city life's noise, I knew right there and then that I will be able to relax and indulge to many things the province has for me. My eye in vain had let go of remorse finally.

I got to see some old friends of mine (Glenn, Kit, Aeron) and met new people (Justin, Hild, etc..). Hilda, a gay, opened a lot of things about him. No longer the discreet or the bi-curious stage. He flashes his gayness by being a cross-dresser rather than gambling in a shaky connection with same sex romance. Queer as it is but the open secret made me so conscious about it and amazed me.

1929 musical Bitter Sweet by Noel Coward Green Carnation, 1890s dandies sing:

Pretty boys, witty boys, You may sneer
At our disintegration.
Haughty boys, naughty boys,
Dear, dear, dear!
Swooning with affectation...
And as we are the reason
For the "Nineties" being gay,
We all wear a green carnation.

..some photos:

with Rendi

with SJ and Rendi

with Mitchie

I've got more things to say but my body's all screwed up (again). I need to recharge.