Dealing With Someone

Madonna "Beautiful GirlStranger (Thanks JP!)" I have a taste for danger
If I'm smart then I'll run away
But I'm not so I guess I'll stay Heaven forbid
I take my chance on a beautiful stranger I looked into your eyes
And my world came tumbling down You're the devil in disguise
That's why I'm singing this song To know you is to love you
You're everywhere I go And everybody knows
To love you is to be part of you I head for you with tears
And swallow all my pride...

I recall one disheartening event in my life when I was 11. I parked myself at our backyard. There, I held a photo of a guy, who actually motivated and inspired me in school. There wasn't obsession which was contained by my heart. I'd rather utter that a pinch of enjoyment and admiration would often smack me by our shared moments during that time. I can't commit to my own memory right now to exactly recollect other things that have happened next. The only amusing thing to me this particular time is, how I managed to let his photo be eaten by fire. To revenge myself and forget, I did it.

Recently, I've told someone that there was this plan of mine last October 19, the day of my birth, to set free some concrete proof of my past. One would be, throwing pictures I no longer want to bear in mind. To learn them by heart will be the only thing I intend to do. Strange isn't it? I said to her, a principle ordains me to have faith in my mind for these events. There can be no confidence though. For all we know, time can go in and erase noted memoirs. We can't be sure about the ability and potential of the memory to remember everything, right?

Putting things together, I formulated a somehow well-built insight. Ever since, I knew how to assist myself in any time of difficulty. I hold in my arms something I'd want to keep but when it chooses to depart, I allow it to go. I learn things by heart. I don't look for something I can possess and have power over, but rather, I let things happen to occupy any part of my heart. If they know the meaning of letting go, poor me, I don't know. But every act they've done to me, no matter how bad-mannered they've turned out to be, I'll never learn to release them. I'd love them for giving me a mouthful source of hope and determination for future choices.

One reason again why I'd often tell people close to me that I can't have the guts to face someone and try to make an impression. Some have told me that I'm picky when it comes to "making friends", but I don't like friendship anymore. Things I want now aren't only closeness and companionship. I feel affection for the thing which is love. Loving not a friend but several people. A small number I know, but I want to love these people freely in a very comfortable way. A half-done form of care and love can't be care and love. That's what I think. A half kind of emotion isn't powerful at all. I am very happy that deep within my heart, I have met them and still, my room isn't closed yet for more.

Just some time this afternoon, I found myself having a good light conversation with a person. I opened up why sometimes it is my choice to be detached from some people. Not that I don't like them, but liberating any form of sentiment or emotion to them is like giving a part of my character. When I look at someone I treasure, I want the person to be considerate and aware of the amount of affection I give. Only for a few, but look into my eyes, what I give is real. If you grant it to everyone, there can be a puzzling form of ideal essence.

I am so inspired nowadays. I'm learning how to regulate a day. I've never forgotten how my highschool days went like, when most of the time I'll find myself cramming for an exam. An e-mail from my dad inspired me when he told me that it's only a matter of 3 1/2 years and it's all over. Thanks, now I am stirred.