3 Things

1. Money
2. Vanity
3. Player no more

I met someone at Gateway today to get some things from her. A bit tiring going back here all the way from Cubao. As I had reached Taft, I thought of going to St.Scho. I went to the Alumnae Office to get my membership card.

It has been a long time that I have been spending money for moments. Whenever I go out, it's the fun that excites me. Conversation with people is something that makes me move on into another set of series in life. Succession is an important thing for me. I will always love to be free from the ridges this life can give me.

I've cultivated a lot of treasured moments with someone and also, with good friends. Those aren't yet enough and of course, I'll always be on the go. But now, I want to center more and set the unclouded bunch of desire to other things that are in need of my attention. I'll go shopping for clothes next week.

How we sway together with happiness vary. The circulation goes together with how we try to conceal some things in us all together to transform and get to meet somehow the kind of attention we want from others. Investment is the term my sister will often use for purchasing things for a high price. I have come to partly get to know her kind of lifestyle. So whether she purchases things that are priced excessively high, acceptance must not be a choice I'm ought to give, but rather, respect.

So to speak, I still can't imagine finding myself like my sister buying a set of regular shirts each for a price of PHP2000. I'm eager to gain confidence even for a simple one but bought out of a reasonable price and a known signature out of a chanced delight but is still entitled for durability sake. As a college student like her, there are 3 things that I had wanted and apparently, my dad provided me. Laptop, cellphone with camera and drum set are enough for me to be satisfied. The 4th thing I want for myself to have is a car. I'll leave that without a check mark for I'd definitely would want to be the one who'll release natural energy through working. Someday, I'll be able to do that.

***

I offer myself to vanity at this point. It can be healthy once in a while. Summer 2005 for my advantage created a new me. The point when I started distinguishing my wants from my needs. The time I proposed my inner thoughts to Beauty, she promised to commit herself fully to me. I believe that God made us and it's not bad if we try to impress him. As I look at the mirror, not just merely trying to figure out or rather trace the image that has been reflected can't be a deep feeling for me. Attraction between the two with gloss of attachment and appreciation is the best thing to fall in.

***

Can a person be free when he is enchained by other people's opinion?

I guess, yes. Listen, process and recognize or... move away. There are things waiting to be uncovered every single minute.

The power of choice doesn't last so as happiness only if we are able to use the amount of time given to make something out of ourselves. We can go searching for things from one place to another which makes us "removable frames". But for smudges we created, like a stain on one's honor can impose his heart with bitterness. It's how people misinterpret that creates a depthless and shallow persepective. Lack of courage can dismiss the access to a larger extension just because of the need to be proper. Things will find many ways to let go of us but only we can prove how each move pays for a character worthy to hold on for.

I can lie or even cheat for the people I love. If I must sacrifice my own personhood and there's a thought of immorality from other people, what is that big thing they get from it? I don't want selfishness creeping in. If doing things out of love, there can be a possible fall but learning isn't out of reach. It's very attainable.

Knowing is an easy part for a process to pursue but believing often can snap out easily. Put faith above everything else. I put faith to the man right beside me. I no longer want to play games with "other people". I now stop being (a player) afraid to commit and my refusal to let go of the fun. I want to indulge. I want to be picky. I want a promising thing. At the end, I might be a lone soul by then. Still, you should see me as a strong-willed (Aila, I'll never forget that you used this word to describe me years ago) and determined "survivor".

Let me continue my love for a thing I know worthy of a try.