Body and Heart

My body feels so restless. I fail in the adequate time one should allot for sleeping. Ahah... But I still manage to continue the process of being on a diet. My mind has been conducting willpower over my body for about 4 weeks already. I have to set an eager attention for my intent to be obtainable. When you work hard for a thing you definitely like to have and offer your dedication, it can never be out of your reach. I lost 2 lbs.

I have found myself arguing with other people regarding this matter. One would be my mom and even some friends of mine. They actually get inquisitive why I do such when they don't find me fat at all. You might find this an excessive way for me to get attention from others, but hey, no! Basically, all I want is to feel good and be able to take care of my body the best way I know.

I confined myself in isolation yesterday. My parents went home to Cavite and my sister had her practice for her mall show tomorrow. I was left alone without a motive to go out. Renz wanted to come over but I told him that maybe we can do that some other time. Sembreak isn't an advantage for me. I am able to go out more often even at night, 3-4 days a week during schooldays.

This is me at our pad, alone and appreciating a pitch-black sky..I tried to befriend it.

As I have told someone, I am very vulnerable at this point. This must be because some problems shook my head. Anyway, I will paraphrase my conversation with a friend of mine through Yahoo!.

Me: I want to let you know that you inspire me ceaselessly to struggle for higher things in life. Everything you say is remarkable. I feel so close to you already. I look at your psyche with admiration. I don't know if divulging my problem to you will leave me with a disfavor from you. I'm very sorry. It's just that I am very cognizant that you can help me out. (I stated my problem after..)

Friend: I don't know if I'd be the best person to ask regarding this situation. But since you asked, I'll do my best to try and help.

Me: There always comes a feeling of joyfulness whenever I do it. Is that wrong? I love meeting people. I love it when I show them what I feel inside. I tell someone how I see him. I display to him his worth by treating him nicely. I find it hard when some will find my act leading in a mistaken belief. Should I restrain myself from it for one reason that somebody else holds the complete access in my life?

Friend: You should consider why you are in the relationship. If you can't stop yourself, maybe you should ask yourself how important your relationship is. But if it's harmless thing; yung usap-usap lang andstuff like that; I see nothing wrong with it. Okay lang naman eh; as long as you are honest to that person and to your partner. Pero, the problem is, medyo nahihirapan na yung partner mo to trust you.

Me: Everything between us (with my partner) is extraordinarily good...even magical. Nothing can ever beat that. We can easily let our love move.

Friend: There's nothing wrong with wanting to meet people but I think maybe you take it too far and it's hurting someone -- someone whom you have feelings for.

Me: Such fact leaves me in a culpable stage.

Friend: It's up to you and know to figure out what's more significant to you. Put that first. That's what I think... I hope that helps somehow...

Me: Thank you very much. Take care of yourself. Cheers. :D

I am in a state of longing. I have realized that an experience with infatuation will only take for a short time, but true love takes time. Compatibility first before commitment. Someone should take me as I am for I definitely can provide his needs, but not all of them. Thus, he should be mindful of that.

Love that comes very natural is very captivating for me. Let's not stick with the rules and let our actions turn out in a form of habit which in time can't grant us complete happiness.

But, I really do miss you.