"And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."--- Anais Nin

Love.. A word that has a wide definition. A thing that binds so many people, one way or another. Love caused me happiness and now, finally I tasted its bitter-sweet taste. A connection between two people has 2 levels. First is the way you two talk. It's explainable. The second is something you can't explain anymore neither in words. It's a feeling and a run of emotion that you two would throwback to each other. With a single stare, with a single touch, with a single move or action, you wouldn't even know that you're finally touching one's life in a very special way.

How can we be aware of that? When JUST this morning... I finally got to realise that each person has a different reality from all others...

Rarrr... Don't be physically present but insensitive enough to hear. MY POINT! I'm becoming numb and my being is getting its day-to-day torture. The hell freezes over while new flames of hell starts to surround me and cover me up.

I want to get back to the person I was. The question is, HOW? So here goes the problem. I can't deal with my temper anymore. I get mad easily and sometimes I would scream out loud and hurt THAT person. Yes, physically.

What's bothering me then? The effect of it... GODDAMN! The effect of the heck I'm doing. I want to stop, I REALLY WANT TO.

I'm not the woman that person fell in love with. I'm afraid I might duck all the chances and the opportunities right there behind that single door. If only I can befriend TIME. Sorry, no way would let me. Soon....everything will be gone...EVERYTHING will have their own act of "goodbye".


I don't fear that moment. I just fear its shadow... That it will bother me until my last breath.

I want to have loads of fun and excitement in my life. How I wish.. Everyday is normal. If the world would do its worst, I'll stumble and die. Yeah whatever! I want to recharge. This pain lets me feel I'm alive...To feel that I'm alive for no reason...for no purpose.. I want to breathe... The air that would kill my being.. my everything.. all the dried roses I planted one night.