Not For Me
It's been a long time since my last post. I needed to wait for a significant turning point in my life to be able to write something. DSL s*cked a lot so I couldn't blog using my computer. Yesterday I got to relax a bit. I got a treatment for my hair (hair rebuilding) and my night ended up fascinated when I watched "A Cinderella Story".
Pictures...
on my way to Bulacan
with Lola Rosie
Now I'm here, waiting for a brand new day (maybe tomorrow or..?) hoping that all the words I heard perished without me knowing.
The real deal is that I'm far beyond the realm of life. Something real for me now is knowing what I want and what I need regardless of the fact that I get it or not. What gets me mental more often is when I like a certain thing very much, getting it is my next mission. Leaving me desperate after, I would then discover it's not really the big thing I thought it was.
Connection of people as I used to picture before was nothing but a normal playground. They interact with one another, sometimes leaving fake traces, watching sunrise and sunset together and everything will boil down to their intention which is to be HAPPY.
Twisting, turning and afraid that my stare and affection will turn out to be an obsession. The feeling of something real but I tend to deny everything. Like a warrior's mission to fight, but sometimes going home is the best option. Deeply I am getting into something, going crazy, being awake in the middle of the night with a different feeling narrate to a certain sickness: ENTERING THE WORLD OF HIDDEN DESIRES.
To make two halves meet and coming up to a whole strong love can never be my expertise. Ingredients that built magic and casting of spell on me set me trapped to a seem-to-be small world and trying to escape leads me back to admiring, desiring and hoping. Leading myself nowhere, I learned how to balance out things---intention, affection and reality.
Like one night being so silent and as I started my affection to cool down and preparing soon for it to burst out. The intention was to start anew together with a love that will promise to be true. My intention was to share happiness with one person, giving my whole-being, letting what I know is right and promising an everlasting love. To make the perfect scenario tragic, reality entered the door of mystery. It simply wouldn't permit and all the while will dictate leaving a new starting love to dismiss its intention and affection. One day when I finally knew within myself that it was the thing I was looking for, the normal power of reality did blow off the burning flame of my intention, affection and love . I was left frustrated, cold and desolate. I had to think that maybe I was wrong when I crossed out the point of discovering things I could do for this one person and knowing the fact that the call to love I clearly heard and I'm brave enough to enter it. Now my question is, was I defeated by reality? Or not? Still, this is something real for me. Ironically it may seem to be, but I enjoy this. It will always be real for me, believe me.
Pictures...
on my way to Bulacan with Lola RosieNow I'm here, waiting for a brand new day (maybe tomorrow or..?) hoping that all the words I heard perished without me knowing.
The real deal is that I'm far beyond the realm of life. Something real for me now is knowing what I want and what I need regardless of the fact that I get it or not. What gets me mental more often is when I like a certain thing very much, getting it is my next mission. Leaving me desperate after, I would then discover it's not really the big thing I thought it was.
Connection of people as I used to picture before was nothing but a normal playground. They interact with one another, sometimes leaving fake traces, watching sunrise and sunset together and everything will boil down to their intention which is to be HAPPY.
Twisting, turning and afraid that my stare and affection will turn out to be an obsession. The feeling of something real but I tend to deny everything. Like a warrior's mission to fight, but sometimes going home is the best option. Deeply I am getting into something, going crazy, being awake in the middle of the night with a different feeling narrate to a certain sickness: ENTERING THE WORLD OF HIDDEN DESIRES.
To make two halves meet and coming up to a whole strong love can never be my expertise. Ingredients that built magic and casting of spell on me set me trapped to a seem-to-be small world and trying to escape leads me back to admiring, desiring and hoping. Leading myself nowhere, I learned how to balance out things---intention, affection and reality.
Like one night being so silent and as I started my affection to cool down and preparing soon for it to burst out. The intention was to start anew together with a love that will promise to be true. My intention was to share happiness with one person, giving my whole-being, letting what I know is right and promising an everlasting love. To make the perfect scenario tragic, reality entered the door of mystery. It simply wouldn't permit and all the while will dictate leaving a new starting love to dismiss its intention and affection. One day when I finally knew within myself that it was the thing I was looking for, the normal power of reality did blow off the burning flame of my intention, affection and love . I was left frustrated, cold and desolate. I had to think that maybe I was wrong when I crossed out the point of discovering things I could do for this one person and knowing the fact that the call to love I clearly heard and I'm brave enough to enter it. Now my question is, was I defeated by reality? Or not? Still, this is something real for me. Ironically it may seem to be, but I enjoy this. It will always be real for me, believe me.
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