Shells

Before, I used to tell my friend that I do not like the feeling whenever it rains. There were so many dispiriting memories that I would remember and in a sudden, they could not have beguiled me of my strength. Things really do change. Last Friday, when it rained, I didn't have a fearsome feeling anymore. To tell you, I came across a holy place where my negative feelings can rely on.

I went to the mall last Friday. I waited there for awhile for my friend. There was a new band who promoted their album. I looked at the stage and in a watchful manner I saw how the drummer played with the drums. I said to myself, "There were so many people who told me before that I play that very well. But look, why am I just here? Desperately admiring him? Very desirous? Or just because the green-eyed monster wants me to steal the opportunity given to him to play on the stage and share his skills." Good thing, my friend arrived. I had to set away my questions.

I've been browsing my entries and suddenly, Batangas pictures got my attention. I started reading that May 11 post.

I had this thought that my first step on the beach will be very memorable. The water was clear. I felt the warmth of the sun and the way the water played with my skin was so gooood.

I wonder.. I should have wrote things about shells. Yesterday, I saw a "shell necklace" that I got when I was in Palawan. I believe that shells are really beautiful which will make you pick them up, hold them, feel them. But... Look closer... you will see their wounds and scars. We are just like them, we hide our pain beneath every scar.

The sun was just there with me without any lotion applied on my skin. The heat of it was a bit painful and I'm not used to it. I just told myself to face it and enjoy that single moment of mine with my friend for tomorrow will be a new day again. A new day where I'll find my pain healed by the beauty of nature.

Another thing, it might be distressing to notice the fallibility of a lone shell. Some people will throw it into the waves while for some, they'll see that very inch of suffering which came up for a one diginified shell to continue sharing its ipseity no matter what people would say.

As I said to nature, I'll be finding myself there. I did. The beach took every worry inside me. Actually, it also took my silver "ring" ---that very significant ring. It was that important to me and my hand wouldn't be complete each day without feeling it's there. I learned that one's beauty can set your attention away from something you treasure that much and it can even let you realize that you have to let go of beautiful things that can't be just for you.

What I really want to tell here, let us stop rejecting and let us see the beauty each one of us is entitled of. Acceptance is the key. And yes, I'm still missing (sooo much) that silver ring which the restless and rebellious waves took from me. As I leave that ring to them, I hope that they will take care of it and love it more than I do. I've been missing those days... :(