Technicolor Line: A New Episode

Sunday, August 21, 2005

White Wings

Now, each movement seems to be my world. My short break in Cavite gave me a good treat. When I arrived there, I didn't feel like a gate crasher seeking for a shelter. It felt like home. It will always be.

We opened my parents' room which was left locked for a long time. Dust motes had their way to perform distractions. I became disturbed. Very. Unhurriedly, my mind whispered to me that what I saw was unpleasant. Change will always make a way. I never won during those times I urged to create a battle with it. My vision of dust motes shifted slowly into a story created by my pattern maker eyes. The memory of pain shone on me that very night.

A thing asked for my attention earnestly. The corner of my eye caught an unresponsive sim card. I got my cellular phone and very clueless, I inserted it. I opened my inbox and read messages. I found a moment where I wasn't denied of any meaning at all. Being up on a pitch-black night, motionless, I got to remember how two people extended their warmth on me one Christmas night. Messages were 2 years ago. Christmas 2003.

As I closed my eyes tighter, trying to trace some faces, I tried to understand things I had done with my past connections and how I disengaged myself. Not that feelings are back for that will be ridiculous. I just realized, that I can't pay any price for something that can't be mine. Something that isn't for me. The act of letting go was able to transform my life into something more than my being will dream for. A feeling that is more subtle and refined.

By the way, I'm here at the mall. My mom is on her way to pick me up and we'll go back to Manila together. I commuted all the way here and there came a story. Well, it was my very first time to have a long conversation with a complete stranger. The driver talked to me and interrogation happened quickly. There wasn't any trouble with him phrasing his questions and I directly answered. He stared at me for so long and expressed his appreciation for my beauty. Huurraah! It was his first byahe because his contract in Taiwan ended. I told him that my father works there and he uttered so fast, "Engineer, noh?" I answered, "Yes." He told me that my father must be earning well.

What corners me now is not the luxury or the things that the salary of my dad offers us. Not for their cost and how I survive through gadgets the ins and outs of the general spirit of the era but truly, for what they tell me. My father reached that state for he is very patient and hardworking. Include his brain by the way. I admire him so much and right now, my inspiration is back.

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